What to do About That Time You Were Ghosted
Rejection & Self Esteem
Need for Closure
Loss of Control
Idealization of Other Person
Social Comparison
Sometimes Casper's not so friendly. Ghosting refers to the act of suddenly and unexpectedly cutting off communication with someone, typically after some level of emotional or romantic involvement. Being left on read can make us see red. Ruminating (when your mind becomes a broken record and leaves you drowning in "what ifs") after experiencing ghosting can be a common reaction, and it's essential to understand the psychological and emotional factors that contribute to this process. You're worth more than unanswered messages. Below are examples of what you might be feeling and what you can do about it.
Rejection & Self Esteem
Being ghosted can be perceived as a form of rejection, which can impact self-esteem and self-worth. It can reinforce negative beliefs about oneself, relationships, or trust. People may ruminate to understand why they were rejected and what they might have done wrong.
Separate Self Worth from Ghosting: Understand that being ghosted is a reflection of the other person's behavior and circumstances, not a reflection of your worth or desirability.
Set Realistic Expectations: Recognize that not every connection will lead to a successful relationship. Setting realistic expectations about dating and relationships can help manage feelings of rejection.
Diversify Your Self-Esteem Sources: Recognize that your self-worth is not solely dependent on the opinions or actions of others. Cultivate a sense of self-esteem that comes from within, based on your values and self-care.
Engage in Positive Activities: Participate in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment. Engaging in positive experiences can boost your self-esteem.
Need for Closure
Humans have a natural desire for closure in relationships. Ghosting leaves the person with ambiguity and uncertainty about what happened and why the other person disappeared. The lack of closure can lead to constant questioning and overanalyzing the situation as you seek understanding and resolution.
Reframe Closure: Shift the focus from seeking closure from the other person to finding closure within yourself. Acknowledge that you may not receive an explanation and that finding inner peace is possible despite this.
Set Boundaries: Resist the temptation to continually seek answers from the person who ghosted you. Establish boundaries with yourself to protect your emotional well-being.
Write a Letter: Consider writing a letter expressing your thoughts and feelings about the situation, even if you never intend to send it. Writing can be a therapeutic way to process emotions and gain a sense of closure within yourself.
Loss of Control
Ghosting can evoke feelings of powerlessness and loss of control over the situation. Rumination may be an attempt to regain a sense of control or understand the circumstances better.
Focus on What You Can Control: Recognize that you cannot control the actions or decisions of the other person. Instead, focus on what you can control, such as your own reactions, thoughts, and behaviors.
Embrace Uncertainty: Accept that uncertainty is a natural part of life, and not everything can be fully understood or controlled. Embracing uncertainty can help reduce anxiety and increase resilience.
Reframe Thoughts: Challenge any thoughts that reinforce the sense of helplessness or loss of control. Replace them with more balanced and empowering thoughts that highlight your resilience and ability to cope.
Idealization of Other Person
When someone is ghosted, they might idealize the person who disappeared, focusing on their positive qualities and overlooking potential flaws. This idealization can intensify feelings of loss and longing, fueling rumination.
Set Boundaries with Social Media: Limit your exposure to the other person's social media accounts. Constantly checking their profiles may perpetuate the idealization and hinder the healing process.
Focus on Realistic Aspects: Shift your focus to more realistic aspects of the person and the relationship. Remind yourself that no one is perfect, and every relationship has its challenges.
Challenge Idealized Thoughts: Whenever you catch yourself idealizing the other person, challenge those thoughts. Consider the positive and negative aspects of the relationship to create a more balanced view.
Social Comparison
People who have been ghosted may compare themselves to others who appear to have successful relationships, leading to feelings of inadequacy or jealousy and contributing to rumination.
Recognize Individual Journeys: Understand that everyone's journey in relationships and dating is unique. Comparing your experiences to others is not productive, as each person faces different circumstances and challenges. Remember that life is a continuous journey, and relationships are just one aspect of it. Focus on your growth, experiences, and personal fulfillment, rather than comparing yourself to others' relationship status.
Limit Social Media Exposure: Social media can amplify social comparison and trigger feelings of inadequacy. Consider limiting your exposure to social media, especially if seeing posts of seemingly happy couples or others in successful relationships affects your emotions negatively.
Practice Gratitude: Cultivate gratitude for the positive aspects of your life and the relationships you have. Focusing on what you appreciate can reduce the tendency to dwell on feelings of comparison and lack. Identify and celebrate your unique strengths and qualities. Recognize that you have unique attributes to offer in relationships and that comparing yourself to others overlooks your individuality.
